Probably time for an update

So. Here's a little to catch y'all up on what's been going on, if anybody even reads this anymore. hahaha

1) Relationships. The biggie. Complex, been talking to an interesting lady that will be unnamed if things don't quite work out (lol). Anyways, seems like she's not ready for a relationship at this point and I'm stuck at a crossroads debating what to do next. Kinda frustrating, but it's happened before. God must be my guide if I'm to get out of this alive.

2) Career. Also another biggie. After a little more than a year of debate, it seems I am still going to apply to the Canadian Forces. Few complications still, but it seems to be the goal at this point. Medical Technician first, perhaps move onto JTF2 in the future, or perhaps as a SarTech later down the road. At this point though, I can't see myself doing anything else. Pumped to apply and join up!

3) Knee injury. The thing preventing me from applying right at this instant is knee surgery. Tore ACL in early November 2012 and still waiting on reconstructive surgery. Rehab is going to be a pain. yeahh....

4) Spiritual stuff. Feeling like I "know enough stuff", spiritually speaking. I have doctrines down for the most part. Living it out actively is the difficult part. Being active in sharing the gospel is always a challenge, especially with the Campus Response Team. There have been times where I've 'successfully' shared the gospel and times where I flat-out fail and give up. I suppose that'll be another challenge when I'm recruited into the army. PURE JOY!

Anyways. This'll be neat to look back on a few years from now. I really hope to keep in touch with some of the folks at UWCRT. I think I've already found my tight friends from fellowship. A handful of solid Christian brothers and sisters who will keep me fighting the good fight. And as long as Christ is the center of that relationship, nobody can take anything away. 

Courageous

So we watched Courageous yesterday. Solid movie, good stuff. Not as much 'theological/conceptual/theoretical' things in the movie (which is what I usually look for), but a lot more real life application (which is what I lack). getowned. Made me realize how absent my father was for most of my life and how that's molded me to be a better man, a better father (when the time comes), a bolder follower.

But despite all those good things, I realize I will fail often and fail hard. And that despite these failures, I am forgiven and free from legal obligations. Doesn't mean I don't do my best, but it means that even when I fall, I can pick myself up knowing that Christ has already paid my debt on the cross.

New career option?

So lately, after attending MIXER with the UWCRT folks in Ottawa, I've been considering joining the military to be a medical technician. Not sure what it would be like, things still really uncertain, but for the first time it seems like I have a direction in life. (surprise!) I'm still debating between reserves and full-time but I'm leaning towards full-time. The biggest debate in my mind currently is the issue of family and how I would raise children properly if I'm not going to be around often. In addition, lots of time away from wife/kids (when/if I get married) could mean issues.

Regardless, that is something that will just be dealt with when it arises. The only thing stopping me right now, psychologically speaking, is a high respect for a girl who disagrees with my joining the army. That is the hurdle that needs to be overcome.

Plus, this blog sucks. I need to update more often. Keep saying that but it never happens.

value

Pastor at harvest said something interesting the other day:

"You have no value, but you ARE valued."

He was saying how in a world of 6-billion people, with billions who have already died in the past and billions to come (maybe lol), your life inherently does not have much value. The world can go on without you if you died right now. BUT, God values us. So despite our lack of any value (i'm pretty much a worthless sack of meat and bones), God values us enough to die for us (Rom 5).

Maybe it's my flesh saying "Hey, i do have value. whatchoo talkin' bout, willis?" but i dunno.

What do YOU think?

justified and sanctified

as of lately, i've been learning a lot about the difference between justification and sanctification (theologically, anyways). i realize that a lot of times i mix up justification (which comes from God and God alone) and sanctification (which requires us to do something through the power of God). let's define some stuff first;

justification - being made right before God, happens once, at the point of new-birth. when you are a born-again Christian, your standing with God is as if God views you with no sin. you have been saved. you are covered with the blood of Christ. you cannot do anything about this, you do not bring about your own justification.

sanctification - after being saved, each and every Christian slowly conforms to the image of Christ (until we're transformed perfectly to Christ's image when we're glorified). we rid ourselves of sin, deceit, malice, wickedness. we stop conforming to the patterns of the world and we conform to Christ's righteousness instead. all through the power of the Holy Spirit. without Him, sanctification is not possible.

so, as of late i've been mixing up the two. trying to work for my justification, and the assumption that i am already perfectly sanctified. wow ggitf. how wrong i am! trying to do things to "get saved" just doesn't fly with God. in ephesians, we see we are dead in our sins, dead, DEAD! dead people don't rise by themselves. we need God to resurrect us from the dead, to bring us back from the sin that we love so much, and to be made right before Him before we can even do anything for Him.

after that, it's not like we're suddenly perfect, sinless, and mega-holy. in God's eyes in judgment day, yes, but for now we're still humans, we still sin, we still fall. and sanctification is the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives after we've been born again to conform to Christ's image. we still can't do it. praise God! but we must allow and heed what the Holy Spirit is doing in our lives and to follow what the bible teaches us. we can't just 'sit back' and 'just let God do it all', but at the same time we have to realize we can't sanctify ourselves without the Holy Spirit working. crazies!

anyways, that's just a brief. i'll try to blog more on other things i've been learning.

fight the good fight!

imma bach

OH MAN. it's been a while since i've blogged. let's go for a quick update.

this term was...pretty crap. spiritually speaking, academically, emotionally. no hollerin' that 116, depressed in my sins instead of remembering the cross, thinking i can fail God's plans, having so many idols that i was my own god. so much pride, so much lust, so much coveting, so much sin. and that's just off the top of my head. my faith was constantly fluctuating, going from highs and then straight down to lows; from desiring God to denying Him; from wanting a life sold-out to the Lord to wanting a life of my own.

yea...wasn't a fun term. i can go into more details but i don't think it's necessary. BUT, i am glad i went through these times. something that God has taught me throughout this term is that HE is FAITHFUL. my devotion to Him isn't something i can necessarily 'maintain' all the time, or something that is based on my effort or on how much i try to get closer to God because frankly, i will fall from time to time. i have no doubt that in the future i will deny the Christ, be ashamed again, doubt His promises, and just want nothing to do with God. BUT i also know that He remains faithful despite my wishy-washyness. His faithfulness out-trumps my tendencies to stray. How great is His mercy!

If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. if we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself. 2 Timothy 2:11-13

so then, knowing that God is faithful, there is no option but to just suck it up, in a sense. if i'm "not feeling" sharing the Gospel, or don't want to do something for Kingdom purposes, i still have no excuses. i am already justified, seen as righteous before God because of the sacrifice that Jesus Christ paid on the cross, and now the Holy Spirit works to crush sin in my life. and so, i can cry more about it when i'm not 'feelin' it. my faith is not based on what i feel at a given time but on what i know is true. and that is Christ, God in the flesh, came to pay for the sins of mankind that all have committed against God. so what now? gotta preach the gospel!

Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. 1 Corinthians 9:16-17

some brief thoughts. still fine-tuning them sketchy things out, still a working progress... :)

overdose

whooot it's out!

http://www.reachrecords.com/rehab/

relationships

getting too much ahead of myself. sometimes i need to remind myself that God goes before everything, including relationships (except relationship with God lol). it's so easy to be absorbed by the thought of a romantic relationship and forget why i want to be involved in the first place. i need to constantly remind myself where i'm looking for love.

LORD, let me be in love with You.

God

He is SOVEREIGN.

down llooww

poem that i shared at uwccf sharing night, fall 2010. spent the past month or so writing it, mainly hitting stuff i've been learning about this past while, especially on humility. it's intended for a Christian-cultured audience, not necessarily for those outside the church, but at the same time for those who are raised in a 'christian' environment.

and some rhymes might be pretty bad. just warning you now lest you choose to be a grammar nazi. you gotta say it with an accent.

shout out the the chil phan for inspiration :)

down low

a lot of us think we got our lives together

high marks, got a job, and now you dressed in leather

got you running the show like you darth vader,

but it's all kinda pointless if it ain't for the Maker.

so now you a baker and you make lotsa bread

but who is it made fo', yourself or your Dad?

i ain't mad but what i said ain't 'bout your dad on this earth

i'm talking about God, the one who gave you new birth.

if this new birth's for fame, mayne, you got it all wrong

cuz the glory is His', He's been King all along

these songs today are just about making that ice

but i can't, i'm reborn, too busy chasing the Christ.

no more wastin' my life, or putting myself on the throne

so when i see God i won't be defending alone.

Christ paid for my sins and resurrected on high

so while we here to live is Christ and to gain is to die.

but why do you sigh when i cry out the truth?

life ain't 'bout gettin' hitched like boaz and ruth.

now don't me wrong because that ain't a sin

it only becomes one if you put it before Him.

idolatry can come in many shapes; many forms

just cuz you go to church don't mean you've been reborn

and yeah, this committee here might look pretty tight

but that's cuz we're WEAK, that's how God shows us his might

for most of us here it might be school that's the idol

or perhaps it's being lazy, sitting still, being idle.

maybe it's 'bout being king, and your new job title

no homie, please don't assume the LORD's title.

and what's the LORD's title, anyone got a verdict?

no? well He's Holy, Righteous, Creator of All but most of all He's Perfect

so murk it if you think you got all those qualities bro

i can't compete with the Christ, i'm just dirt down below

you see the dirt that i am was at one point lost

blind, 'til God sent His Son to cover the cost

of all my lies, all my pride, all the porn that i've seen

but the blood of Christ paid for 'em just so i could be clean

and it ain't a dream, this ain't starcraft, it ain't just a game

i'll open up my life so y'all can see that i'm lame

it's only in His Name that i'm redeemed from the blame

so mayne we ain't ashamed when we call out His Name

we're the same, look at me, i'm no better than you

we've all fallen short; if anything i'm the foo'

you see, God chooses to use the foo's to shame all the wised

so that no one can boast except in the Christ

let me end off and say that we are because we're not

that we are worth-less, until we are bought

from the grip of death; now i'm snatched up outta hell

so we can bring Him the glory and rep His Name well.

so for all of us in Christ, let us pick up our cross

and deny ourselves daily, count this world as a loss

be obedient to the Word, to every whisper and call

to lead, to love, to serve, because Christ is our ALL.

i must decrease

sometimes, i wish that people would just stop seeing Godly people and say, "wow, they love God so much. i wish i were like them", or "they're so hardcore. they know the bible inside-out". two reasons:

a) they're not really godly, and they're just posers and a fraud, but more importantly...

b) they are Christ-centered. Question: who exactly do you think is the one who made them into who they are, the bible-loving, Christ-centered, Jesus fanatic? is it themselves? think again.

chances are (and these are pretty high chances, if you ask me), God is the one doing the work, and ultimately all the glory should go to Him. our joy should be greatest when people start seeing The Creator of the Universe behind this broken piece of glass instead of how good we look now. the life-changing, transforming power should point back to the work on the Cross and not at our own lives and how we've worked so hard to change it.

SO, as a final thought...do we take joy in decreasing, diminishing, being made into nothing while God is being lifted high in your life?

"That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.”

John 3:29-30

...to die is gain.

no, i am not emo, or wanting to take my own life. so please, don't think i'm gonna kill myself aha. the other part (to live is Christ) i'll post later since it's so much juicier.

HOWEVER, when we think about it, how willing are we to die? Are there things that we want to do before we leave this earth? Get married, have kids, get a house, do something adventurous, what is it? As a Christian, I truly believe that to die is gain. I can care less when I die, whether it's next week, 70 years later, in the next 10 minutes, doesn't really matter. What matters is if I know where I'm going. My citizenship is in heaven, and I eagerly await my Saviour from there, the LORD Jesus Christ. (phil 3)

So (back to the question of the week a week back), then, who is your LORD? Is it the idea of marriage, perhaps the mortgage bill, your family, the next paycheck? What do you live for and what do you have hope in? Who is your LORD? Are you ready for His return, or the day you die? Is death (physically) a gain for you, or will you just lose everything you've stored up on this earth?

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:20-21, NIV)

chapter 3

One chapter that I've recently finished in my life is one of violence. Back in high school, I used to relish in violence and gory bloodshed, and it was to me entertainment. I was known at school for my violent tendencies (although I never really did anything since I'm a rather small person :P)

However, as of late, I realized that I became disgusted at gory things. I would feel sick if I saw, even in movies, things that are plain violent and unnecessary. I still enjoy well-choreographed fight scenes (such as 300, oh man), which I see as more artistic. I like those fight scenes where the guy just flows from one place to another. What I don't like is exposing guts and whatnot. It's weird. I've never really thought that I'd be changed so much, but thinking about it, it's not really me.

Naturally, I'd probably still enjoy those things. I guess it's a result of the renewing of my mind, and turning to what God loves and hating what He hates.

don't worry be happy!

even the non-Christians get it haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bNE-5TVAmg

so why worry? ^_^

fools rush in

what a fool i've been. to think that i can be someone without Him. to think that i am something when i am nothing. trying to be something i'm not; trying to be someone of this world. why? what made me like this? why do i still love the things of the world? are YOU not enough? no. i'm a failure, that's why. and i continue to be a failure as long as i don't cling to You. Lord, bring me back. i've gone too far, strayed too much. all i want is to see You again. help me to see these worldly things as rubbish, as garbage, as meaningless. and help me see that You are worthy of all my praise, that for You alone are life is worth living, that only You can satisfy. i'm done living as a fool of this world. let me be a fool for Christ instead.

July 16, 2010

Please note this is a rather hefty thing I wrote. It's not intended or directed for any one person, but just as an observation on whole. Feel free to comment, let me know if I'm wrong, or if you think I'm a crazy heretic or something :P Here goes.

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to be on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out demons and perform many miracles? Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' "

- Matthew 7:21-23

As I tried to sleep tonight, I realized something. And this kept me up all night because I was greatly saddened by the reality. I was saddened in the fact that although many people call themselves CHRISTians, few have actually met the Creator of the Universe, the Lord God Almighty, Alpha Omega, Jesus Christ my LORD and my Saviour.

This realization led me to understand why so-called Christians are lazy and don't seem to have God first in their lives. And that is because THEY DON'T. They think that they got the whole eternity thing figured out, that they're going to heaven because they prayed a prayer one time, or that they go to church and fellowship and read the Bible everyday. They feel as if they've already earned salvation so they move on with the rest of their lives.

If you are Christian, you will realize that you must continue to work out salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12) That is to say: on your own, you can never be good enough in the eyes of the LORD. (Romans 3)You cannot call yourself a Christ Follower if you do not devote yourself 100% to Christ. You are not a Christian if you think you can let Jesus control a part of your life but not ALL of it. (Note: it's not to say that a new believer or a immature Christian is not saved. I am not trying to question salvation, but rather your willingness to be sold out for Christ)

No. If Christ is not EVERYTHING in your life, then He is nothing in your life. If you call yourself a Christian, live up to it. Do not blaspheme the name of the LORD my God. If you don't plan on surrendering your sinful desires, or your plans, your dreams, or your hopes to God, then please don't try. God doesn't accept half-hearted sacrifices. (Malachi 1) And besides, it's no sacrifice anyways.

So why do you continue to call yourself a Christian, when you revel in SIN, and when you enjoy the same entertainment of the world around us? What makes you different except that you're busy on Friday nights and Sunday mornings? You say you have to be a part of this world, but I say that we find our citizenship in Heaven (Philippians 3:20) You say that you have become all these things in order to 'minister' to all these people (1 Corinthians 9:19), but all you do is give an excuse to sin freely. You say 'everything is permissible', but 'nobody should seek hos own good, but the good of others'. (1 Corinthians 10:23-24)

So please. Do not use the LORD's name in vain. If you claim to be a Christ follower, then be prepared to lose everything to gain Everything. If not, then do not use my God's Holy Name in vain. Do not use His Righteous Name to bring glory to yourself. If you seek the praise of man, then go for it. But if you want to seek the praise of God, then stop indulging in this worldliness. Wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed! (Romans 13:11) Live a life of Christ that is worthy of a life of Christ. Take up the cross. Suffer for it. Let all men hate you because of what you believe and trust. (Matthew 10:22) Stand up, men and women of God, and forsake everything for the sake of knowing the LORD Jesus Christ. (Philippians 3:8)

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

- Matthew 10:37-39

i'm a saint

Hook:

Yeah they tell me sugar coat it, dumb it down but I can't
Might as well could deny the Jesus and be ashamed but I ain't...imma saint
'Til the day I see the grave I'm going hard in the paint
It's the only hope we got that's why I'll die for the faith...imma saint

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjgBhpanOfQ

Is it your only hope?

The Gift Nobody Wants

"A good tree cannot bear bad fruit"

It is seeing an apple tree and seeing one or two bad apples, but seeing the rest of the tree produce thousands of healthy fruit. It is still a good tree.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=799d7Tl5uCM

oh man so good

recently been getting into latin music. wahh too goooddd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8cmHPSW_7Q

You Might Not Finish This Chapter

An excerpt from Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, p. 41-42

When I am consumed by my problems - stressed out about my life, my family, my job - I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have the "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.

Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are?