Thursday, April 14, 2011

imma bach

OH MAN. it's been a while since i've blogged. let's go for a quick update.

this term was...pretty crap. spiritually speaking, academically, emotionally. no hollerin' that 116, depressed in my sins instead of remembering the cross, thinking i can fail God's plans, having so many idols that i was my own god. so much pride, so much lust, so much coveting, so much sin. and that's just off the top of my head. my faith was constantly fluctuating, going from highs and then straight down to lows; from desiring God to denying Him; from wanting a life sold-out to the Lord to wanting a life of my own.

yea...wasn't a fun term. i can go into more details but i don't think it's necessary. BUT, i am glad i went through these times. something that God has taught me throughout this term is that HE is FAITHFUL. my devotion to Him isn't something i can necessarily 'maintain' all the time, or something that is based on my effort or on how much i try to get closer to God because frankly, i will fall from time to time. i have no doubt that in the future i will deny the Christ, be ashamed again, doubt His promises, and just want nothing to do with God. BUT i also know that He remains faithful despite my wishy-washyness. His faithfulness out-trumps my tendencies to stray. How great is His mercy!

If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. if we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself. 2 Timothy 2:11-13

so then, knowing that God is faithful, there is no option but to just suck it up, in a sense. if i'm "not feeling" sharing the Gospel, or don't want to do something for Kingdom purposes, i still have no excuses. i am already justified, seen as righteous before God because of the sacrifice that Jesus Christ paid on the cross, and now the Holy Spirit works to crush sin in my life. and so, i can cry more about it when i'm not 'feelin' it. my faith is not based on what i feel at a given time but on what i know is true. and that is Christ, God in the flesh, came to pay for the sins of mankind that all have committed against God. so what now? gotta preach the gospel!

Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. 1 Corinthians 9:16-17

some brief thoughts. still fine-tuning them sketchy things out, still a working progress... :)

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